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The Power: Building the Circle - Book 2 Page 19
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"Just tired," Henry mumbled.
✽✽✽
Wednesday, Hennessy and Will came over for lunch.
"Ready to get out of here?" Will asked. "Bathroom's all done. The last layer of paint went on this morning. The new house looks good."
"I'm sure it's great," Lucy said with a smile.
"Is Adrian going to come back before we leave?" Ree asked.
"I don't think so, honey. He's really busy with work stuff. We're not going far, though. You'll see him after we move. Probably," she hedged.
Hennessy rocked back in his chair, surprise on his face. But he didn't say anything.
His phone started ringing to Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. "Why does she keep fucking doing that?!" Hennessy groaned.
Will laughed. "Because she's the best troll on the fucking planet. Anything we need to talk about?"
"Na," Hennessy said. "Sorry, kid."
Henry was offended by the foul language.
"Yeah, boss. Quit messing with my phone!"
✽✽✽
Thursday morning, Lucy threw all their worldly possessions in the back of the Mazda and drove three miles to the new house. Their beds would be delivered today, but they'd need to get furniture for the rest of the house.
Ree's room had been painted in a Paw Patrol theme. Lucy's bedroom had an attached bath with a fancy shower and tub. The kitchen had new counters and appliances. There was a swing set in the freshly sodded backyard.
"Wow, this is super nice, right?!" Lucy said, trying to be excited for Ree.
"Yeah, it's great," he said in a monotone.
"What's with you, kid?" Lucy asked. "This is WAY nicer than the apartment."
Henry shrugged.
✽✽✽
After talking to Lucy on Monday morning, Adrian packed a bag and left the house.
It's what's best. It's what's best for them. It's what's best. It's what needs to happen, Adrian chanted over and over in his mind.
He managed to drive two blocks before pulling over and puking on the side of the road. When he finally got into his Foundation office, shaking and sweating, he asked Martha to clear his schedule and then he closed his door.
His head was going to cave in. The rage was eating a hole in his brain, and his skull was going to cave in.
Martha knocked on the door. "Adrian, are you sick?"
"Yes," he groaned before blacking out.
In a hotel room later that night, Adrian realized he was missing parts of the day. Not just the blackout, but whole chunks of the day. He had been at the hospital to do a consult for a long-time patient but didn't remember how he got there.
Tuesday morning, he woke up thinking about Ree's doctor's appointment. Thought about Lucy going to that appointment on her own. Thought about his Ree going through chemo. Later, he tried to remember what he did on Tuesday, but it was a black void in his memory.
Wednesday, he went to the hospital. It was a clinical day. The rage had quieted some. He was able to eat without being ill. He could remember Wednesday. There was a text from Will on Wednesday night.
WILLIAM: What happened with Lou? Where are you? Let me help.
Adrian didn't respond.
Thursday, he was supposed to be working at the Foundation. He was supposed to go to the office.
I should be at work, he thought as he watched Lucy throw bags of clothes in the back of her car. Ree was climbing in the backseat. They didn't see him. It's for the best, he told himself again.
One of the security cars pulled up alongside him. "Reap's looking for you," the woman said. Adrian couldn't remember her name. He just nodded.
Thursday night, Rage tore the heavy punching bag from the ceiling mount, sending it flying across the room. Once the bag was gone, it punched the concrete basement walls until his hands were crushed. Adrian watched in horror as it happened, felt the pain of it, and couldn't stop it. Once done, Rage disappeared, leaving Adrian a bloody, painful mess on the basement floor.
When he finally got upstairs to refuel, Adrian found the fridge and freezer stuffed full of foil trays of food. Each pan was labeled with the contents and had instructions for how to heat it up.
William found Adrian sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, sobbing.
"Almost two fucking weeks, I've been trying to find you to have a private fucking conversation. You're busy. You got people here. You're with Lou, pretending like it's fucking rainbows and puppies. Fuck you. I'm your brother. You call me back, asshole. It was important. Now you've fucked it all up.
"The last two fucking days, I've been calling and texting nonstop. You don't fucking answer me. I thought you had this worked out. You were fucking steady on Sunday. What the fuck happened?" Will growled, moving Adrian into a kitchen chair and firing up the oven.
"What happened with Lou?" Will asked again, pissed off. "Leaving a fucking fridge full of ready-made meals does not scream 'I hate you, and I'm glad we split.' Sitting in the middle of your fucking floor, holding a pan of cold chicken while you fall apart does not scream 'I'm making good life decisions.' What the fuck, Adrian?"
"Sorry, I didn't call you back. That was shitty of me," Adrian said eventually.
Will tossed the pan of chicken in the oven, then looked at his brother. "What. Happened?"
"This is not something you're going to understand, man," Adrian muttered.
"OH, FUCK YOU. Wanna play a game? I'll pump you full of terror, and you can pump me full of rage, and we can see who cracks first. I'm betting that I'll win. I have better control than you," Will taunted.
Adrian stared at his older brother, mouth agape, trying to process what he just said. "No fucking way," he whispered.
William sighed. "I can't pump you full of fear right now. You're a fucking mess." Without another word, Will pulled a knife out of the block on the counter and sliced his hand open.
The brothers watched it heal together.
"What happened with Lou?" William asked again.
"Will, how-? Why didn't you tell me? If you knew, why didn't you tell me?" Adrian demanded.
William shrugged. "For as much time as we spend together, we're not great about sharing things as a family. Again, what happened with Lou?"
"Does your thing have a compulsion to it?" Adrian asked. "Like, can you tell someone to do something, and they have to do it?"
Will nodded. "It's the nature of fear and anger, Adrian. They're strong emotions that make people do and think things they normally wouldn't."
Adrian was awestruck. "Holy fuck. How do you know this? Who taught you?"
"OH, FUCK YOU, AGAIN. No one taught me anything. It's my working theory. It makes sense to me. Answer my question, asshole," Will demanded.
"A week ago Sunday, I came home from family dinner and was putting Mom's leftovers in the fridge. Lucy and I were talking about fucking Hennessy and that damn file. She apologized. It makes me nuts when she apologizes for shit that's not her fault.
"Out of nowhere, no warning, the rage surfaced and took over. Before I even knew what was happening, it told her to never apologize for something that's not her doing. I freaked out," Adrian explained.
"Why?" Will asked, completely unphased. "She shouldn't apologize for shit that's not her fault."
"Will, seriously? You seriously don't think that's alarming and wrong?" Adrian asked.
"Of course, I do, Adrian. But it's not like that shit has to stay in there forever. Pull it out."
Adrian stared at his brother.
"You don't know how to do that, do you? You're not shy; you're stupid," Will realized.
"How do you take it out?" Adrian asked.
William sighed. "The same way you put it in. Pull the rage forward - you know what I mean?"
Adrian nodded.
"Pull it forward, go back in your memory to when you did it. You'll feel the difference. Undo it. It's easier to do when you're with the person. The longer it's in there, the harder it is to undo. The bigger the compulsion - a good
word for it, by the way - the more damage you do to the memory. It's easier to undo your own shit," Will said. "She won't even remember that it happened. Something small like that, one fucking sentence that is tied to a bad habit? That'll come right out. But, I'd consider leaving it. She should break that habit."
Adrian continued to stare at his brother. "Do you do this often?"
"Nope. Again. I have control. Balance. You, obviously, do not. Before I was balanced, I was a fucking mess. I do, however, give Noah little spikes of fear when he pisses me off. That shit's fun and harmless."
Adrian laughed. And then he really laughed. "Is that why he sees bees everywhere?"
Will started laughing with him. "Fuck yeah," he said as he pulled the tray out of the oven and grabbed two forks. "I love that she did this in fucking banquet trays. She doesn't understand why, but she knows you need a lot of food."
Adrian's laughter tapered off.
"So, compulsion. Fine. But you were together last week. You were fine at Sunday dinner. I thought you had all this shit straight. You put the rage together with Lou's shit, right? After that, none of this shit should have affected her," Will said.
Adrian reverted back to staring at his brother as he ate large bites of chicken and potatoes.
"Oh. Maybe this part's different. Or, maybe Lou's not like us. But, I really thought she was. She feels like it.
"Was there other stuff? Like the rage but not. Like, zingier lovey-dovey stuff? When you were with her? When you touched her?" Will asked.
Adrian nodded.
"What happened when you put them together? When you pulled the rage forward with that shit running wild?" Will asked.
Adrian shook his head.
"What does the head shake mean, Adrian?"
"I didn't put them together."
"What do you mean? How did you keep them apart?" Will asked, mouth full of potatoes.
Adrian shook his head again.
It was William's turn to look shocked. "Adrian, do you keep the rage pulled back all the time?"
"Of course," Adrian said. "Holy fuck, yes. Unless I'm working out, yes. You don't?"
"No, absolutely not. That's gotta be fucking agony, man. I take fear from people and cycle it out all fucking day long," Will said.
"Cycle it out?" Adrian asked.
William stared at his brother.
"I don't know what you mean," Adrian said. "The only way I've been able to unload it is exercise."
"Wow. Holy fuck, man. You can't keep it back all the time. When you let it co-exist with you, it pretty much takes care of itself. I don't even know how that would work, Adrian. Do you not let yourself get mad? How do you keep it back?"
"I just keep it back. It hurts people. It can't be forward all the time," Adrian said.
Will looked confused. "What the fuck are you talking about? You don't pull it forward all the time, you just let it be. In the center. Not forward, not backward. Centered. Like having a car in neutral."
"I… don't think I have a neutral," Adrian said.
"I think your shit's out of whack, Adrian."
"How do I fix it, Will?"
"I think you get down on your hands and knees, beg Lou to take your dumb ass back, and then fuck like rabbits until her shit is all blended with your shit," Will said. "I'm still unclear on what happened between Sunday dinner and when I saw her yesterday."
Adrian's cheeks turned a bit pink. "Ah, Sunday night, it came forward at a bad time and wouldn't go back. It could have hurt her."
"You split with Lou because your rage was forward while fucking? Are you kidding me?"
"I won't hurt her, Will. She's had a hard road. I won't add to it. She's better off without me in her shit," Adrian said, voice ringing with sincerity.
Will sighed. "You are dead fucking wrong. She is sad and lonely without you. Henry is depressed and afraid that everyone is going to leave him like you and his mom did. And you're fucking dying without her. You need to have this conversation with her. Explain. Merge the energies. She's like us. You can feel it radiating from her when you pay attention."
"I won't do it, Will. I'd rather die than hurt her," Adrian said, not looking at his brother.
"Adrian, I completely fucking get it. I really do-"
"No, you don't," Adrian snapped. "You don't date. You have no relationships outside our family. That 'ruined for all time' shit makes perfect sense now, by the way. You can't be with someone for the same reason I can't be with someone. Add me to that fucking list. We can grow old playing fucking pinochle and cribbage together."
William laughed at Adrian. Outright, full-on laughed at his little brother. "Oh, my God. You have that so fucking wrong and so fucking right at the same time. We are a matched set of fucked up, you and I. Go talk to Lou, Adrian. You're killing yourself. Literally. See you Sunday. Call me if you need me. Eat more."
✽✽✽
Adrian was late for dinner on Sunday.
"Sorry, lost track of time," he said as he entered the dining room.
"We just sat down," Hank said. "Are you OK? You look terrible."
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I think I had the flu," he said. "Doing better now."
"Where are Lucy and Ree? No, honey, no kisses if you're sick," Dara said, pulling away from Adrian.
"Uh, they're doing Lucy and Ree things? I don't know. I haven't seen them in a few days," Adrian admitted.
"Why?" Darla asked, her eyes turned to slits.
"They moved into the house on Thursday. I haven't been over there yet. I'll stop by at some point during the week. What's with you, Mom? You don't look so hot," Adrian said to change the subject.
Darla sighed. "Nice attempt to change the subject. What happened?"
Everyone at the table stared at him.
"Nothing. Nothing at all. The house was ready, so they moved into it," Adrian said, trying to look innocent.
I haven't done anything wrong. Why are they fucking staring at me? This is fucking ridiculous.
Will reached to smack Adrian upside the head. Adrian caught his brother's hand before it made contact.
"Stop it," Adrian growled.
"Aww, temper temper, little brother," Will chided. "Henry's been asking about you. Go see him."
"Stop smacking me."
"Stop being an idiot, and then I'll stop smacking you," Will said.
Adrian breathed deep as the rage tried to push forward.
"William, leave me alone," the words vibrated with power.
"No," Will said with an antagonistic grin. He made to slap Adrian again. "You mad, bro?"
"Alright, I'm out. Feel better, Mom. I won't spread my germs," Adrian called as he left the house.
Hank looked confused. "What just happened there?"
"He's not in a good place," Will said. "Just making sure he realizes it."
"What happened with Lucy?" Darla asked.
"Adrian's an idiot," Will said. "He needs to get his head out of his ass."
"Hey, Will?"
Will rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming. It was the only thing Sam said to him these days. "Yeah, Sam?"
"What do you love? Why won't you tell me?" Sam asked.
Jake groaned. "Really, man. All fucking week you've been doing this,"
"Jacob," Darla scolded.
"Sorry, Mom. But ALL week long with this. Every single fucking time he sees William, ALL day long..."
"He called me at 1:30 this morning to ask me, too," Will said.
"I'd stop asking if you'd just tell me. I need to know," Sam said, rubbing his head.
Will sighed. "Here we go, Sam. Stop me when you hear something close to whatever the fuck it is that you're looking for: I love my family, I love my friends, I love a good beer, I love the sun on my face, I love dogs, I love Italian beef sandwiches, I love deep dish pizzas…"
Sam sighed as Will continued to list things that didn't matter.
Chapter 17
Adrian wasn't sure what to do after leaving his parent's house.
r /> I need food. I'll go find food, he thought.
An hour later, he was stuffed with pizza and calmer.
Did I even say hello to my family? What happened?
Lost in thought, he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He looked up and found himself standing on Lucy's doorstep, his car parked in her driveway.
Holy fuck. I lost some time again.
Lucy was pulling open the door.
Oh, no.
She looked good. Really good. The bruising was gone in her face. Blonde hair pulled up, blue eyes shining in the dim light, radiant tanned skin everywhere. She was in a tank top and shorts.
"Adrian. Hi," she said, opening the screen door. "You just missed Ree. I can wake him up if you want to say hi."
"Hi," Adrian said, staring at her.
"Do you want to come in?" She asked, confused.
"I do. I really do." He didn't move.
"Adrian, what is going on? You look terrible."
"I don't know. I mean, I kind of know, but not really. I don't understand it," he said.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, eyebrows raised.
"How are you? How is Ree?" He asked.
"OK, on both fronts. He misses you. We both miss you," she said with a shrug. "Worried about you."
He nodded. "Me, too."
"Adrian, come inside. Or go. Either one. But, don't stand in the doorway anymore." Lucy grabbed his hand and pulled it toward her.
And just like that, Adrian gave up the fight. Couldn't even really remember why he was fighting to begin with. His arms wrapped around her as his lips met hers, the happy energy surging through him.
"I'm sorry," he muttered to Lucy, as he kissed down her long neck, to the sensitive skin around her collar bone. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but he was sorry. For being away from her. For coming back to her.
"OK," she muttered back, arms wrapping around his neck.
Hands wrapped around Lucy's waist, they both groaned as the happy energy cycled when Adrian's finger touched the skin where her tank and shorts met. He was tugging her shirt off before the front door was all the way closed.